Broken bonds
by dalilamoon21
Summary: Imagine a person who feels no guilt, shame or regret by their actions or desires. Unable and uncaring of any bonds, not even with its own family. A different look at the relationship between Kamui and Kagura. One-shot. WARNING! Angsty & mature. Edited


Broken bonds

*Many, many thanks to SandmanCircus for taking the time to fix my grammar!*

Beware!

If you are a sensitivity, easily offended person, please don't read any further. I know this won't stop anybody, but just remember, you were warned.

This is what happens when you have insomnia and read a psychology article after reading manga.

Mature themes but nothing graphic, lots of angst and no happy ending whatsoever. This is probably the most depressive Gintama fic out there, but after re-reading the latest manga chapters, It just came to me. Spoilers for latest manga chapters.

Ooc is a given, considering the situation. I decided to use Kagura's family as a case study, because seriously they are the perfect example of a dysfunctional family. Also, I took liberties with Kagura's mother condition. In advance sorry for bad grammar and errors.

And don't forget, Gintama and all of it's characters belong to Hideaki Sorachi. And that this is a piece of fiction and in no way condones any type of explicit behavior.

-And only when you have all denied me will I return to you.

Truly, with other eyes, my brothers, shall I then seek my lost ones;

with another love shall I then love you.

-Zarathustra, "On the Gift-Giving Virtue"

xXx

For Kagura, the worst moments of her life were not remembered by dates, but by numbers. Which unfortunately, had made her ridiculously superstitious. As stupid and unfounded as it may sound, she had come to dread and seriously hate four numbers: 3,6,9 and 12. Because in some way or another, they were always related to the worst moments of her life.

Kagura had had a hard childhood, she wasn't going to deny it. A mentally unfit mother; an absent, reluctant father; and a brother too obsessed and consumed by the madness of their blood to even care about her.

In her opinion, she had turned out fairly normal - and if there were moments when she felt her blood burning a little too high, or when she heard whispers in the darkness of her mind and the nightmares threatened to come back, she'd turn around and smile. She knew they'd always be behind her.

Kagura had found a new family, had created new bonds. As crazy and strange as they were, and no matter how many times they fought and bickered with each other, she knew that as long as they were together, she would be fine.

That knowledge alone was enough to keep her from losing herself to the madness running through her blood.

X

When the siblings asked their papi what kind of disease their mama had, he gave them a strange smile and told them not to worry about it.

-Mama will be fine, she'll get better soon-

They may have been small, but they were not stupid. When their mother's empty stares began to last longer, when she started crying for no reason, and when it took her longer to remember the days of the week (let alone the months), it was obvious to them that Mama wasn't getting better - she was getting worse.

X

Kagura was three and Kamui was nine when their mother forgot their names for the first time. Twelve days later, after the doctor confined their mother into bed rest under careful watch, the siblings stood outside watching their father's retreating back as he left with the rain, promising to come back.

-Mama's medicine is too expensive- he told his two children -I need to find better work-

That was the day her brother gained his ever present smile, and Kagura her recurring nightmares.

How sad, some neighbors would say with pity. Their mother barely knows who they are and they were left alone by their father! Others will exclaim angrily. Poor, poor kids some whispered. What are you talking about? Somebody would always point out. Those are not kids, those are monsters...

They'll be alright.

X

Kagura was five and Kamui was eleven when he started to sneak off at night. The day she finally got the courage to follow him was the day she realized that the smile he wore for them wasn't real. The smile he gave their mother in her lucid moments, when she asked him to forgive her weakness.

-There is nothing to forgive-

Or the one he gave her when she crawled to his side after one of her nightmares...

-Another nightmare?-

...it was nothing but a mask to hide his true feelings.

Her brother's true smile was the one he got as he twisted a man's arm, or when he broke someone's legs, or when he finally delivered a killing blow. Kagura watched horrified as the crowd asked for more, her brother's innocent face smiling as he licked the blood left in his hands.

Her brother was slowly slipping away from her, and there was nothing that she could do about it.

Three times a week he disappeared exactly at 12:00pm, and always returned, very punctually, by 6:00am. The only thing Kagura could do was stare at the empty spot next to her, trying to hold on to the warmth and the scent still lingering there, missing the soothing beat of his heart.

Kagura never told anybody that Kamui killed for other people's fun... and for his own amusement.

X

Kagura was six and Kamui was twelve when he tried to kill their father. He didn't even let him come into the house or wish her a happy birthday. Kamui had discarded his feelings for them, as easily as he crushed the doll her father had brought for her.

She would never forget the hateful look he gave her when she stopped her dad from killing him. And after the fight was over, Kagura stood under the rain, crying as her father left again without saying goodbye. And as much as seeing her fathers retreating back had hurt her, it had been Kamui's cruel and demeaning words that had cut her tiny little heart to pieces.

Because you see, Kagura loved and trusted her older brother the most in the world.

The next day she stood alone in the rain, at exactly 12:06pm (the irony was not lost to her) as Kamui left with a smile. He didn't said anything to her, and he didn't have to. Because as Kagura saw his retreating back, she knew that Kamui was never coming back.

For him, there was no longer a family to hold him down.

Kagura was twelve when her mother died, she hadn't seen her father in three years, and her brother in six. She had no money or any way of contacting them. It was thanks to her kind neighbor's help that the young girl was able to put her mother's body to rest. And as she stared at the twelve flowers left on her mothers grave, she decided that it was finally her time to turned her back on this place and disappear with the rain.

For her, there was no longer a family to hold on to.

X

Bright blue eyes snapped wide open.

-Another nightmare.-

The young woman looked at the watch on the bedside table, she had barely slept. An annoying sigh was heard in the silence of the room. It was dark and cold, and the only sounds were the breathing of the occupants of the bed. She could feel hot breath against her neck and a possessive arm wrapped tightly around her waist. She closed her eyes again and focused on the heart beating behind her. It was the only thing left of him that she didn't hate, it calmed her and made her feel safe, just as when they were children. Within minutes, she was lulled back to sleep and the arm pulled her closer.

X

Who is he? the rational part of her brain asked. Does it matter? the monster inside of her answered. She was here and he was there and her blood was boiling. She couldn't make out his features, but she did notice his surprised look as she punched him hard enough to make him spit out blood.

Finally getting rid off that annoying fake smile.

He came back at her angry and spitting, but she was ready. She met him punch for punch, kick for kick. His anger went away and his smile came back, she could tell that this time it was real. For the first time, he looked at her, really looked at her. His eyes turned blood red.

His gray eyes turned red when they fought...

She was happy, because she knew who he was now. That pretty face, his soft brown hair. She remembered his smell, of candy and gun powder, and she could see cherry blossoms and festivals. She called out to him, because she loved seeing his smile.

And then she was flying, and she hardly had time to get up. He wasn't pretty, or had brown hair and alarms went off inside her head. She wanted to stop, but he was everywhere and was everything and nothing at the same time. He was looking at her, and she felt dirty. -Stop, please stop!- But he didn't listen, he didn't care.

Why stop? asked the monster inside of her. You like this as much as he does.

She heard her name, and she knew that voice. She could see him, the man with the silver hair and brown eyes, he was holding her - he smelled of aftershave and sake. She remembered lazy afternoons and happy winters and many many dreams and hopes. She clung to him, like a limpet to her rock.

But she didn't hold hard enough, because they were easily ripped apart. Her attacker was furious and took his anger on the silver man. He was screaming and she was screaming, -Stop, Stop, Stop!-

But he wouldn't listen and he keep on hurting him till she couldn't take it anymore... She loved him too much.

-Please stop, I'll do anything-

-Anything?-

-Yes, anything-

She was on the floor, bleeding and hurting and he was in her and on top of her. She could feel his hands ripping her body to pieces and taste her blood on his lips. He was biting and sucking and grabbing, ruthlessly, mercilessly.

She needed to see his face, needed to know who he was - the one responsible for her pain and nightmares. Were his eyes brown or gray? And when she finally saw his face, twisting perversely so close to hers, she screamed.

They were blue... just like hers.

X

Kagura woke up with a start, breathing hard and sweating despite the coldness of the room. Slowly she recognized her surroundings, she breathed a sighed of relief and willed her heart to calm down. The sound of rustling brought her attention to the man laying next to her. In the darkness of the room, his eyes glowed eerily bright. Like a cat, sneaking in the dark.

"Another nightmare?"

He asked her with a smile, more out of curiosity than actual concern. And she could almost pretend, almost, that they were kids again and not living this farce they had created.

"Its nothing."

His bright blue eyes looked up at her and then at the watch resting on the bedside table. "It's six in the morning," he whined. "Let's go back to sleep." He hugged her and brought her down with him.

X

A knock on the door woke the sleeping couple, and a meek voice came from the other side of the door. "E-excuse me l-l-leader, they are ah..uhm..asking for you." The young man groaned, obviously not wanting to get up. There was another knock, more insistent. He stretched languidly and lazily made his way to the door. The light coming from outside blinded Kagura a little, but not enough to miss the man trying to get a peek inside.

-He must be new, or really stupid.-

The man screamed, but Kagura couldn't see what her partner had done to him. "What do you want?" the younger man snapped. "I'm s-s-o sorry," the man apologized, most likely for his transgression rather than his interruption. "T-t-here's an important m-m-message and a-a you see.." The mumbling man was interrupted, "I'll be right there," he hissed, and slammed the door on the man's face.

Kagura watched him scratch his head while cursing to nobody in particular. An amusing sight taken that he was still naked. An unexpected giggled escaped her mouth at his discomfort. He gave her a dirty look that suddenly turn mischievous at the realization

-She is smiling-

He walked up to her and was about to take her face in his hands to kiss her. "Eww, wash yourself first, its gross." She pushed him away from her and he chuckled. He grabbed something that was lying on the floor and disappear inside the bathroom.

Kagura didn't move from her spot on the big bed, she wasn't sleepy anymore, but she didn't really feel like getting up. Besides, two nightmares in one night?

-Nope, not sleeping. thank you very much.-

Now that he was gone, she could feel the coldness of the room. 'God, why did they have to keep the air conditioning so high?' She grabbed the closest piece of clothing that she found. It was his.

-Maybe, just maybe, if I close my eyes and concentrate hard enough-

She didn't notice the young man leaning on the bathroom door looking intently at her, annoyance directed at her silent debate. His annoyance was soon replace with smug satisfaction as she finally donned his clothes. She had never worn them willingly.

-Maybe, just maybe, she finally gave up.-

The silence of the room was broken by a loud rumble. The man's laugh made Kagura turn, face red, and was startle to look at the smiling man.

"I'll be back." The man kissed her forehead

-She didn't flinch-

"Don't eat without me."

"What?" she answered offended. "What if you take too long?"

"I'll be back you pig," he said smiling. "Look who's talking," she replied sarcastically. The young man just kept on smiling.

-She's being quite talkative.-

He was about to close the door when he stopped and turned around.

"Also..."

"Umh?" She replied with her usual childish tone.

His innocent face did nothing to cover his suggestive tone. "Don't take a shower without me..."

"You damned pervert!" she screeched, her face turning redder than her hair, and threw a pillow at the closed door. 'Stupid idiot, I'm still sore from last night.'

Kagura wondered what was worse, his inability to be gentle, or that the usual disgust at the act wasn't as strong as before. She could almost feel two pairs of disapproving eyes staring at her.

-Maybe, just maybe, I finally gave up-

The red hair girl made her way to the bathroom. The sudden realization making her angry but she was most definitely not stomping. "I just have an itch, on my foot." And no, she wasn't pouting either. "Its morning breath, OK," she told the owners of said stares.

Kagura knew that if anybody were to look at her right now, they would think that she was one block away from sharing the corner with that man that liked to talked to squirrels. But she wasn't that crazy, not yet at least. He still hadn't managed that.

She was just lonely.

There were no friends here. People were either too afraid to talk to her or so nasty that she wouldn't want to start a conversation anyway. The closest thing to a friend was Abuto, but he wasn't exactly a source of consolation. The man was as harsh and brutally honest as he had been when she first met him, but it was probably thanks to him that she had survived this far.

She had ignored his advice at first, when she had just arrived. Her denial too great to see what to them was not only obvious, but nothing out of the ordinary for their leader's behavior.

Because surely he was joking. There was no way in the seven hells that his insinuations were real. That the whispers regarding their relationship were not accusatory, but expectant. It occur to her later that Abuto had been actually trying to prepare her. She wasn't exactly sure why, the man was completely loyal to his leader. Maybe from the very beginning he had pitied her.

Kagura stared at herself in the mirror, his black changshan contrasting sharply with the almost ashen color of her skin. The angry marks painfully obvious on her neck and breast. She didn't need to look down to know that there were more decorating her body. There were bruises too - and scars. Some old, some new, some from battles and other ones from...

Not so long ago, this was usually the time when she would break down and cry. But as time went on, and the bruises and the marks and the scars kept on coming, her will to cry had died.

-What's the point now?-

X

Their first time was three weeks after they got on the ship. She had begged him to stop, she had tried everything in her power to make him see how wrong this was. Because she couldn't (wouldn't) believe that his psychopathy was so strong, ran so deep, that he had completely disassociated himself from his own family. He had calmly pointed it out that she had no right to deny him, that she had come to him of her own free will and that he had kept his end of the bargain. He hadn't killed anybody.

She had cried and screamed and kicked and punched and tried everything in her power, but he was too strong.

She had cried all night as her body ached and the blood trickled down her tights, staining the sweaty and dirty mattress. She cried that night, and many nights after as the bastard held her in his arms.

"With us Yato, it's all about power," Abuto told her days later. "For someone like leader, who's blood is thicker than anyone I know with Yato instinct, it's only normal to seek out strong people," he paused, planning his next words carefully, taking into consideration the girls delicate state.

"Family bonds mean nothing to the majority of our clan." He gave her a meaningful look. "You said it yourself, he stopped seeing you as sister a long time ago." It was true, she knew that. Still, it didn't make her feel any better.

"Blame it on your parents, that usually helps people feel better," the older Yato told her, as if reading her thoughts. If she hadn't been so out of it, she would have probably ripped his other arm out for that comment.

"How long has it been, eh? How far away do you think we are from earth? Do you really believe somebody is gonna come and save you now?"

The realization, the fear, the anger, and the disgust had made her so desperate that she had escaped. Tried at least.

X

With her bladder empty and mouth fresh, Kagura made her way back to the room. She was about to lay down on the bed again when something caught her eyes. She walked up to the huge window in the room, and stared at the constellations and planets shining brightly in the emptiness of space.

Once, looking at the infinite darkness of space had made her happy.

-Oh boy. Its almost as if all my problems have gone away!-

She remembered saying that once, feeling his presence behind her. Now though, looking at the beautiful sight was a painful reminder of exactly were she was, and how far away from were she wanted to be.

X

"Did you really believe that you will be successful?" Abuto had asked her, while tending to the wounds she'd received from her punishment.

"Where exactly were you planning to go, back to earth? You may be his woman, but that doesn't mean that he will go easy on you. At the very least, you won't have to worry about him cutting your tendons." He smiled at his comment, because the parallels were there and easy to exploit. "Besides, wouldn't escaping defeat the purpose of you coming here in the first place?"

-His woman-

If Abuto's goal had been to make her feel better, he had failed miserably. Hearing those words coming out of the man's mouth so casually gave her situation a finality that she wasn't ready to accept.

She had escaped from him six times, but she never managed to get too far. He always found her, and he wasn't very forgiving.

"If you really want to escape his whims, you better kill yourself next time." Abuto told her annoyed as he once again tended to her wounds. The new realization had brought forth the beginning of her depression.

X

"To tell you the truth, I never saw him with a woman before." Abuto confessed to the usually fiery girl during the weeks when her depression had kept her in bed, too broken and weak to do anything. He had been appointed as her companion/guardian.

"Some people had a bet going on, that he was probably rooting for the other team," he chuckled at the mental image. "Imagine their surprise when he came back to the ship with you at his side, as his woman no less." She still flinched at that. "It cost some people a lot of money, and you guys broke quite a few hearts." Kagura had rolled her eyes at that.

"Us Yato have no fancy morals, we thirst for nothing but the blood on the battlefield. Remember I told you that life was all about the right footing? You definitely started it wrong. From the very beginning you had no chance against him. You who denied her heritage, and him who embrace it. Sure you are strong, probably second only to him, but still not strong enough.

"The brother who fights in blood, and the sister who fights alongside it. No - the man who fights in blood, and his woman fighting alongside him."

Kagura had snapped out of her depression faster than madao could lose a job.

One day she woke up with the feeling of anger boiling hot in her veins. That had been the first time she started talking to the two men hiding inside her mind. She could almost see them, hear them spurring her on.

One voice encouraging.

-Kagura, you can't give up, you better not give up.-

The other one mocking.

-China, don't forget that I'm the only one that can defeat you.-

Kagura didn't want to disappoint them.

With the anger burning inside of her, she had thrown to his face how much she hated him, how she detested seeing his face and felt nothing but repugnance at his touch. She had compared him to them, to the two men she loved. Told him mockingly how he would never measure up to them.

-It's their faces I see when you touch me- she told him, venom dripping from her voice. Kagura had never seen him (and never saw him again) so angry in her life.

The destruction that followed their fights was too great to be contained inside a ship and his leaders had given him a warning. Shape her up, or get out.

He took his revenge while they were on a mission. He didn't want any interruptions or have to worry about the damage. He brought out the monster hiding inside of her. Knowing that while she lost herself to her blood lust, to the madness running through their veins, she was unable to control herself. What was even worst, was the fact that while in her trance, she would actually enjoy his touch.

"Look at you," he whispered in her ear, his tone deceptively gentle as they laid on the dirt, too tired and satiated to move. "Do you really believe that they could love you now? You think they can accept you like this? Your precious samurai," he spat the word as if it were a curse.

She couldn't move, she wouldn't answer and refused to look at him. Anger, shame, guilt, and many other feelings burning her small body.

"I'm going to make you forget them. I'm going to get so deep inside of you that there will be no space left for them." He enjoyed doing this, tormenting her and reminding her that he was the only one left for her. He wanted to be her tormentor and her savior. Pull her from both sides, stopping just before she could rip apart.

"It's time you accept the fact that you are mine"

X

The smell of food brought her back to the present before there was even a knock on the door. The 'maids' (for lack of a better word), came in pulling in two carts filled with enough food that could feed a small family. The two women bowed after setting up the table but Kagura paid them no attention. She knew what the other women of the ship thought and said about her.

Kagura was everything and had everything that they would kill to have. And the fact that she had done everything in her power to resist him, that she had fought him, hated him and never hid her contempt for him, had brought on the hate of his little fan club.

-They were more than welcome to have him-

She would gladly wrap him up in pretty ribbons for them. Unfortunately, he would never look at them. In his eyes they were nothing but worthless trash. They were just weak women not worthy of his time, and they hated her for it.

X

"Why don't you just learn to control it," Abuto pointed out to her after their return. "You've been holding back for so long, it's only normal that you would lose yourself to the monster inside of you. It's so easy for him to take advantage of you, it's actually quite pathetic." Kagura flinched at the man's words. "But, I don't know how to," she answered lamely.

The older man scratched his head and a resigned sigh left his lips. "I can't really help you there missy; besides, if leader finds out I'm giving you that type of advice... an arm won't be enough."

The man stood up, and to Kagura's disappointment, started to leave. She stayed rooted to her spot, ideas already running crazily in her mind.

"You know," the man said, his back to her. "An old man told me something once."

-If you want to stay clean, you better learn to wash yourself with dirty water.-

"Haa?" Kagura looked at the man incredulously, what he'd just said going completely over her head.

"It's actually quite simple. Just think about it."

For days, she had gone over it. Trying unsuccessfully to understand his cryptic words. It didn't help that he had left for a mission, and the two voices in her mind were totally useless. She was at least sane enough to understand that they were not real, rather just her mind's last attempt to hold onto the past. Besides, real or imaginary, those two were nothing but idiots.

Ironically, it had been thanks to her partner that she finally got it.

"When are you going to stop fighting me?" He asked her, annoyed at her latest act of rebellion. "You think that I enjoy hurting you?" Surely, he didn't really expected an answer to that. "It's simply a matter of perception. If you think something is bad, you would obviously feel bad after doing it. If you tell yourself, I'm having a good time, you really will enjoy yourself." Kagura kept on ignoring him. "If you think you are dirty," he whispered in her ear. "The stains won't go away."

-If I want to stay sane, I must learn to live with this madness-

If she managed to bargain with the monster to her advantage, she'd be able to fight him full strength without going ape shit.

When she had, in an act of feminine cruelty, stopped his amorous advances, leaving him painfully hard and frustrated (because she really wasn't in the mood at the moment and if he wanted to keep five fingers in each hand, he should keep them to himself), the anger she had expected never came.

"So this is what I created," he'd said proudly.

"How ironic," Abuto told her three weeks later, while the celebration dedicated to the new captain of the Harusame was blaring in the background. "Six months ago he went to earth to challenge the night king because he was disgusted by his attachment to one woman." Kagura turned to look at the red hair man, sitting proudly in the middle of all the commotion. "And look at him now. Completely obsessed with you, the sister that he abandoned and denied because he considered her worthless." Kagura had nothing to say to that...

Because, it really was ridiculously ironic.

X

Her thoughts were interrupted again by the opening of the door. She watched as Kamui crossed the room to sit at the table were their food was waiting. "Oh boy I'm starving," he said with childish glee much like her own.

"I was about to start eating without you, you took too long." He gave her a smile, and Kagura sat in the chair across from him.

"We are gonna have some visitors."

There had been a lot of visitors lately. When word got out that the leader of the seventh squadron had taken command of the Harusame space pirates, messages from all over the galaxy started to pour in. People pledging their allegiance to the new leader, offers of support and request for their cooperation.

Kamui was, surprisingly, a good leader and while he usually left Abuto with matters pertaining politics, he always demanded to meet personally with their clients. Specifically, their leader. He was never one to lose an opportunity to meet strong people.

Kagura wasn't particularly interested, she may be second in command and have the new title of 'Night queen,' but she wasn't at all interested in the dealings of the pirates.

"Believe it or not, they are earthlings."

That caught her attention.

"Who is it this time?" She asked, curious.

"A man called Takasugi and his partner, I believe they are terrorists." Kagura almost choked on her meat bun.

"They want to renew their contract with us, I think they want to use Yoshiwara as their base or something. You'll meet them soon, they'll be sticking around for a few days."

Kagura debated for a moment if she should tell him that she knew who Takasugi was. Kamui was ridiculously possessive of her, and anything regarding earth and her life there was practically taboo in their relationship. 'Oh well.'

"I already know who they are," Kagura said casually between bites. Kamui looked at her, his smile gone.

"Don't get your panties in a bunch, I can't stand those people. They tried to kill us twice."

"They tried to kill you?"

"Uhm. First they tried to kill Zura and Gin-chan when they were trying to make some sort of sword or something," she said waving her arms casually. "And the second time, when they were trying to destroy the shinsengumi."

"Wait a minute, are you talking about the Benizakura incident?" Kamui remembered that there had been a big commotion about a silver hair samurai and the two brats that got in the way.

"Uhm?"

Kamui started laughing

"What the hell is so funny? That I almost died?" Kagura asked confused.

"I was supposed to be there that day, but I didn't feel like wasting my time with some weak humans."

The blue eye girl stared at him, her mouth wide open. Now that he mention it, the Harusame had helped Takasugi and his cronies.

"Closed your mouth or the flies will get in." She closed it with a snap.

"You look surprised."

"Of course I am."

Twice she had come in contact with the Harusame, twice they had tried to kill her and her friends and all this time, Kamui had been working for them! All these years, she had been so close to him and she didn't even knew it. Their reunion had been inevitable, almost as if...

"It was meant to be."

He finished her sentence and Kagura realized that she had been talking out loud. Kagura wasn't hungry anymore. To think that all this time, seeing Kamui again hadn't been a matter of 'if' but 'when.'

Exactly six years after he left them.

Wasn't that ridiculously ironic? It was laughable really. Only, she didn't feel like laughing. Once again, her superstitions weren't unfounded.

Kamui looked at the troubled woman sitting in front of him, a smile on his face. He didn't know these people, but he was going to support them with everything they needed.

He may have promised her that he wouldn't hurt her friends, but a client was a client, and business was business. There was nothing he could do if said clients made a business of killing her precious samurai.

He looked at the time, and realized that their guest would be arriving soon. Now that he knew that this Takasugi guy was not only an enemy of the silver hair samurai, but of that bastard policeman that had actually managed to hurt him that day on earth, he was anxious to meet them.

He looked at the woman again, her face scrunching up prettily. He was never going to let her go. He could tell that she had finally accepted her position beside him. He knew that she would no longer try to escape. The thought made him giddy with a strange emotion.

"Kagura, let's go get ready."

The red haired girl looked up at his smiling face then at his offered hand, she didn't hesitate before grabbing it.

Much to Abuto's annoyance, they were suspiciously late to meet their client.

X

The first few months she had held on to hope. She had imagined her rescue many times, all type of scenarios running in her fertile mind. Gin-chan and Shinpachi would come, no negotiations there. That bastard Okita would be with them too - better be - along with the rest of the shinsengumi.

She had rehearsed many times what she would tell Gin-chan and Shinpachi after her rescue. First she would beat them up for making her wait so long, and then she would hug them and kiss them silly. She would even kissed that idiot Okita and then brake his knees in case he got any dumb ideas.

The months went by and nobody showed up, not even her dad. Her own depression and Kamui's influence had diminished her hopes for rescue to a little speck of light hiding deep within the darkness of her mind.

Kagura had accepted the fact that she was on her own. And it was up to her to survive and make the best of her situation. This was her reality, she couldn't escape him anymore. He had too much power, too much influence, too many connections out there.

And even if they came, would she be able to face them? Kagura was no longer the spunky, confident girl that she used to be. She was broken, tainted. Kamui had burrowed deep inside of her body and soul, just like he had promise.

Her burning hatred for him had diminished with every passing month. She no longer fought him like she used to and while she never initiated anything, she rarely denied him. She knew that every passing day, she lost a little piece of herself to his madness.

Kagura was sure that when Kamui finally went to hell, she would be right behind him.

X

Kagura would always remember the worst moments in her life by numbers:

Kagura was only 3 when her mother's madness finally broke her. Kamui waited exactly 3 weeks to break her with his madness.

9 times she lost to Okita since she first meet him. It took Kamui less than 9 minutes to defeat him.

6 years had gone by since they'd last seen each other. 6 times she had tried to escape from him.

Her father had left her 12 times, Kamui was 12 when he left her, and she was 12 when her mother died.

Kagura would never forget the 12 people she had to say goodbye on her last day on earth.


End file.
